If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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