Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
