The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
