And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Randomize
