I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
