some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
