I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
