He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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