I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
