have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
