A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
