I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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