I swear god or herbie drove my car home
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
