if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
