that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
