he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
it was like having sex with a tree stump
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Randomize
