i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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