Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
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