my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
