Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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