i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
