He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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