dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
