Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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