We're like a lot better than the average bears
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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