Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Randomize
