I showed him my bush... on skype.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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