I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
