Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
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