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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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