On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
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