NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
