Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
