my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
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