Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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