I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize