I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
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