No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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