I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
