Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I just want to make out with him forever
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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