Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
