Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
