peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
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