I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
