Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize
