I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
