He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Randomize
