Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
