cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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