I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
