That's when you crack a 10am beer
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
