Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
