Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
