Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
