So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
