last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
