I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Randomize
