Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
