is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize