Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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