shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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