I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
All I want is dick and wine.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize