Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I need a burrito and a hug.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Randomize
