We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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