He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
