Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
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