please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
