Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
