3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
