no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
