Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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