he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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