one might say we're banned from that church
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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