I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Randomize
