Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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