that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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