i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
