I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
