I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
