Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
