just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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