I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
