i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
