Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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