Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
