Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
