I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
