vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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