He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
