dude i'm inner monologue high
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Randomize
