i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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