I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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