I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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