I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize