he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
splinters make it hard to masturbate
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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