We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
