I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
My ATM looks so different sober.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
