I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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