Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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