Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
