i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
