Where is the hickey?
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
