don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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