so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Randomize
