Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
